The Battle of the Bulge

Is it fall already? It went from warm and sunny to friggin cold so fast that I still haven't adjusted to it. I swear the leaves were mostly green last week. Now they're all red, orange and yellow and on the ground. I need to haul my chubby ass outside and rake up some leaves. I could use the exercise. This stubborn 10 lbs I gained during summer vacation refuses to budge this time. Usually, I'm ok until after the holidays, but this year I need to lose a few before if I even hope to fit into my clothes. It's sad, y'all. I had to suck in to button my pants. And then I had that lovely little pudge roll bulging over my waist band. So attractive! Check out my lumps! I'm one hot momma!

To battle this bulge, I've been-- sigh-- eating healthier. Notice I said healthier, not healthy. I can't do all healthy. I need some crap in my diet. But I've cut back on the crap. That means less sugar and fat. I've cut back to one soda a day. Except on the weekends. I figure that giving myself some leeway will help. And... Dear god, this is what I've come to? Discussing weight-loss strategies (or strategeries, for you republicans). Forgive me, I've been ill. All of this lack of sleep is killing off my brain cells and I've got very few to spare. And my voice is gone. I either squeak or get all burly-man husky. It's freaky. People have been taking advantage of my lack of vocality (is that even a word?) and it's so unfair. It's not like I can write them a strongly worded letter for teasing me. It doesn't have the same effect as le mot juste. I have to settle for flapping arms and growly noises or funny faces if the growly noises aren't working. That seems to amuse more than intimidate, though.

Not only have I had to deal with all that, but the kids are off from school the rest of the week. Teacher conferences or something. All I know is that I think I might go utterly and undeniably insane. Oh! A spark of genius! I will make them rake up the leaves! Yay, brain cells!

I should stop now since I'm doing nothing more than babbling. Right. So, be good and go out and vote. That is all.